Sometimes you just have to write…

Nine tips on how to talk to a teacher (Part 1)

Teachers are human, like anyone else. They’re not perfect. They make mistakes sometimes. IMG_0800But, unless we’re talking about the extremely rare pedophile pervert or raving psychopath who’s found her[1] way into the teaching profession, chances are your child’s teacher is a good person: a person who means well, who tries her best, who honestly wants what’s best for all of the children in her care.

Sometimes you need to speak to your child’s teacher. Perhaps the teacher has done something wrong: something you disagree with. Perhaps there’s something the teacher needs to know about your child. Perhaps you’re angry at the teacher for whatever has gone wrong.

Before you go into that parent-teacher meeting, here are some tips from a teacher for you to take along.

  1. First of all, if you’re angry, cool down before you say anything. Shouting will not help a teacher hear you any better. Teachers, as I already mentioned, are only human, and the immediate response to any attack – whether physical or verbal – will be to go on the defensive. If you speak to a teacher in anger, she’ll defend herself, and the entire exchange will be negative and unresolved. It will be about what has already happened, rather than about what will or should happen in the future.
  2. Stay polite. Generally the teacher will too. Go into the discussion with an open mind and a willingness to listen to the teacher’s views. Perhaps the teacher has a reason for whatever she did that angered you. Or perhaps the teacher did indeed make a mistake and wants to repair the damage. Either way, listening and speaking politely will work much better than attacking.
  3. Teachers are members of an illustrious company.

    Teachers are members of an illustrious company.

    And speaking of listening, you need to listen to the teacher as well as talk. Parents often speak to teachers at great length about their concerns, but don’t pause to listen to the teacher’s view, as a professional, on the same concerns. You might come out of the discussion with new insights into the classroom situation or into your own child’s place in that classroom, but only if you stop talking long enough to listen to what the teacher has to say.

  4. Do NOT say things like “I know my child better than you do!” Of course you do! No one is claiming to know your child better than you do. However, every child – or perhaps I should say every person – has different aspects of his or her personality that are revealed to different people. Presumably you act differently and show a different side of yourself when you interact with your spouse than with your employer (I hope so!).  The same goes for your child. Little Johnny may be an absolute angel at home, but may be a holy terror on the playground. Don’t deny what the teacher is saying about little Johnny. There is absolutely no reason a teacher would make up a negative story about your child! Listen, and try to work with the teacher to figure out why the bad behavior is happening.
  5. Do NOT say things like “I used to be a teacher and…” There are two implications to a sentence that starts that way, and the teacher will immediately assume both. First of all, it points out that you are no longer a teacher, and the teacher you are speaking to is thinking (but is too polite to say out loud), “But you’re not anymore, are you? You couldn’t hack it!”  Secondly, it implies that you think you know better than the teacher you’re speaking to how to do her job. That’s guaranteed to get her hackles up. Anyway, if you used to be a teacher, you should know how hard it is! You should be able to understand what the teacher is dealing with.

Here’s the link to Part 2 of Nine tips on how to talk to a teacher!

[1] I’m using female forms in this post because I’m female and because more teachers are female than male. However, I would say that all of what I say here also applies to male teachers.


11 comments on “Nine tips on how to talk to a teacher (Part 1)

  1. Karin Copperwood
    October 20, 2013

    I have been a teacher for 16 years and have had very few “run-ins” with angry parents. Of the three I can recall, all were the direct result of misunderstandings or half-truths told by children trying to avoid punishment. It is time that we stop only talking to our child’s teacher when we are angry and get involved in the every day education of our children. If the only time you ever see/talk with your child’s teacher is at conferences or when you are angry, you are doing your child a disservice.

  2. Rachel Heller
    October 20, 2013

    I agree wholeheartedly! Thanks for responding!

  3. Lisa Mallis
    October 25, 2013

    I agree! If only more people would adapt the “stay calm and listen with an open mind” attitude – so many disagreements would be avoided! As a former teacher (ha, ha look at me ignoring rule #5!) I dreaded P/T conferences for this very reason. Though I don’t know that I ever had an angry parent . . . I was always worried I would! Wonderful post!

  4. rachna
    October 25, 2013

    loved reading this post…

  5. Out One Ear - Linda Atwell
    October 26, 2013

    These are all excellent pieces of advice. My husband was a teacher and a coach for over 32 years and he loved every minute of it. He only had a couple (in all his years of teaching) of parents who could not be reasoned with (which makes you wonder about their kids). My husband was a teacher because he loved kids. And he misses his time in the classroom.

    Thanks for this great advice. I hope parents read it and take it to heart. P.S. I found you on BlogFormatting. Haven’t seen you there before and am glad I found you. http://outoneear.com

  6. Caroline
    October 27, 2013

    Sound advice Mrs (Favicon) Rachel 😉 However, I’m quite sure that this advice applies to people in general and not just Teachers?

    • Rachel Heller
      October 27, 2013

      Yes, of course it applies to people in general. I think, though, that when people are talking about the welfare of their own child, the emotions can run particularly high…

  7. Kerry Sibson
    October 27, 2013

    I am also a Teacher. Loved your post and thought it was very positive. Hope you can get it out there and read by parents.

    Would you mind if I shared it on twitter?

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This entry was posted on October 20, 2013 by in Being a Teacher and tagged .
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